I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
