I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
