i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
