$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
