i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
