he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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