I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
