So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
