He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
