Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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