I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
