Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
