do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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