I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
