what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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