Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
