i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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