Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
