No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
