i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
