Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
