Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize