we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
