Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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