dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
