Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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