There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize