Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
