Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize