Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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