Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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