Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
