I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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