i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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