I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
