I want to walk on stilts...naked
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
