dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We just shotgunned beers for America
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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