I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize