The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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