So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
