We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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