I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
