So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
