I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
