Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
