Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
