I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
