So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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