1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize