Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
