Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
