I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
