i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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