She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
