the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
