Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
