wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
