quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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