My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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