i already hear my dad disowning me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
