Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize