Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
