He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
