I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
