There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
