shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
