So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize