My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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