So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
