I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Less talking, more tequila
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
