My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
