Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
