dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
so much tequila, so little girl.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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