also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize