well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm having to shit out rocks
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
