Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
