He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
