As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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