The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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