my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize