when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
