false alarm. still invincible.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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