Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Let's get the cat blown out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
