really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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