McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
the raccoons are back...
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