he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize